7 of 10: Mentor selection

7. When considering a mentor…people can mentor you in two ways, you either want to be like them or you don’t want to be like them.

I have two little kids, Jacob is 6 and Chloe is 3. When I think of informal mentors, as in people they see day in and day out, in their life, I know that my wife and I may be their most influential mentors in their lifetime. These kids watch everything we do and don't do and hear everything we say or don't say. It is humbling as a parent what my children pick up from my strengths and weaknesses. I am sure all parents can relate to that. As they grow and mature, there will be ways in which my kids will want to be like me and ways in which they will not want to be like me.

The reason why I mention my kids is because as we get in a business setting we look for mentors, formal and informal. In that process of looking for someone to mentor, we need to acknowledge that we have already had mentors in our lives for as long as we have had parents. So I may have some past experience being mentored that may affect my expectations of what a formal or informal mentor should be like. The question then becomes, what should I look for in a mentor as a employee of company XYZ?

Point 7 is a little tongue in cheek but consider the wisdom of the principal. If you are willing to learn and be a student of everyone that you come into contact with, the workplace and life is full of mentors.

For the mentor that you want to be like, here are the things that I consider...

• Can they actually do or have they done what you are hoping to learn?
• Could they enlarge your circle of associates?
• What is it specifically that I admire about them that I would like to emulate? If this mentor is honest and candid, you will discover things about them that you don't admire as well. 
• Have they suffered or endured or thrived through difficulty?
• Do they have some personal integrity? Do their words match their actions?
• Are they open to being a formal mentor, sharing what they know?

For the mentor that you have watched and don't want to be like, here are the things that I consider...

• Given the opportunity, what would you have done differently?
• What was it that happened that was lacking in savvy or wisdom? Have you ever done that or a similar experience?
• If you could mentor that person, what would you work on with them? Do you need work in that same area?
• If they were open to feedback, how would you help them?
• Does paying close attention to them spare me from potential difficulty or teach me something I need to learn?

So, if you have found the person that has the ability, subject matter expertise, or experience in a particular area, what do you do next?

Do you want to be like them enough to want to ask for a formal mentoring relationship or do you want to watch them from afar and wait and see? You will never know unless you ask.

Until next time...